JOKES FOR YOU

Icons

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon.

" Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."

Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-"

Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech Support:

"Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a filing cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?"

Customer: {click}

JOKES FOR YOU

Not another virus

*** VIRUS ALERT ***

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately. Do not open it! It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.

It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.

It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer.

It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.

It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.

It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection...

Yahoo! Displays Serious Intentions in the Race for a Semantic Web

Earlier this year the Sunnyvale Company launched Search Monkey an open platform that enables web developers to enhance the Yahoo! Search experience for end-users by creating applications that use structured data to change the visual appearance of search results and modify them to be more relevant or attract more traffic to their own services.

Users could, until now, access the Search Gallery and enable the third-party applications they wanted, but the company decided to integrate the Yelp, Linked In and their own Yahoo! Local Search Monkey applications for all users. These were some of the first-ever Search Monkey apps and were chosen due to their good user metrics.

Tim Berners-Lee, W3C Director, should be happy because his vision for a Semantic Web is becoming a reality, as developers will now have to take semantic web markup such as RDF or Microformats more seriously in order to meet Yahoo's requirements of access to their site's structured data.

Yahoo! is not the only one pushing for a semantic web, Google already indexing semantic markup too, but it certainly looks like it took the lead in this race.

JOKES FOR YOU

Email Error

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.

ON-LINE

JOKES FOR YOU

Mr. or Mrs. Computer

Is your computer male or female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes", or” She’s listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going total you".

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow :

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

Internet Explorer 8 Reliability – It Should Have Been in IE7

For Internet Explorer, reliability means that the browser should always start quickly, perform well, connect to the Internet, and show Web sites without crashing or hanging. Most users want their browser to work, recover smoothly after a crash, and display the Web correctly. Users are not as concerned with what causes the problem, whether that be a poorly functioning add-on or poorly performing website. As part of our ongoing commitment to improve reliability, we have done a great deal of work in IE8 to make the browser more robust in all of these areas: performance, recovery and display.

Internet Explorer 8 will deliver, starting with the second Beta build, planned for August 2008, two critical features when it comes down to ensuring reliability: Loosely-Coupled IE and Automatic Crash Recovery. Both could have made the life of IE7 users much easier, but Microsoft is betting on "better late than never" with the introduction of the two items into IE8. However, the availability of the two features only in IE8 will continue to preserve and perpetuate the perception that Microsoft is still playing catch-up to rival products, especially the open source Firefox browser from Mozilla.

Loosely Coupled IE is the foundation for IE8 Automatic Crash Recovery, and a feature which ensures that the browser is handled as a sum of its active components, with the tabs virtually isolated from the frames. Thanks to this architectural attribute, a crash caused by a website opened in a tab will not kill the entire browser process, but only that specific problem-area. IE8 Beta 2 will deliver Frame Process Merging, additional tab processes and virtual tabs.

Automatic Crash Recovery: in the event of a crash, Automatic Crash Recovery is designed to get you back to browsing as quickly as possible. The Beta 2 IE8 would be capable of recovering login information via session cookies and form data.

JOKES FOR YOU

The Programmer and the Princess

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”

The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want.” Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?” The programmer said, “Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool.”